So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
