Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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