Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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