Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
