I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
