I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
