At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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