I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
