ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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