I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
