i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
