last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize