Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
