we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
