if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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