i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
