Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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