I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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