I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
