What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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