Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
