So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
