ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
