Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
