So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
