I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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