It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize