I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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