I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
