shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
