i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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