somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
