The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
