one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
