They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
