I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
