My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
