Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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