i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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