Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
