she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize