This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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