you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
