At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
