youre lurking in front of me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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