Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
