Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
