You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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