My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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