I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
