I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
