Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want a musical about memes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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