so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize