I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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