I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
