Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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