Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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