i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
