dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
