Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
