Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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