She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
