dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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