She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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