I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
