we made out on top of his cat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
