MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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