I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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