Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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