So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
