On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
