I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
