Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
