And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
