yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
