Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
These tits shall not be calmed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
