You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
