After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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