I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
