We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
