Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
