He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
