Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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