He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
