butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
