I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize