Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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