you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
