He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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