Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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