i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
birth control should be required to get into college
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
