you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
