Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
