you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
