So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm too high and old for this...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
